Stop Doing Things Because You Should

Growing up the phrase 'I can't' got a lot of hate. I think "There is no such thing as can't" was the never-ending refrain of my primary school teachers. I'm not saying they were wrong, especially when faced with a pouty seven-year old who just doesn't want to figure out her fractions and lumps it into the category of Can't. By the time I reached the end of my secondary school education, their words had evolved to more philosophical phrases such as "Where there is a will, there's a way" or "the only obstacle to success is the one in your mind" but the gist of it was the same: stop saying you can't and just do your bloody work. 

I wish the concept of "should" would have gotten the same hate.

I've already taken issues with the concept of "try" in a previous Thoughts on Sunday where I agreed with Master Yoda (despite never having seen Star Wars): do or do not, there is no try.  Similarly, you want to or you don't - there is no should. Should is some weird in-between concept that is often ladened with guilt, loaded with expectations and doesn't actually do anyone any good. 

If you should be doing it, why aren't you doing it?

More often than not, when you start thinking that you "should" be doing something, it's because someone other than yourself thinks it's a good idea, but deep down you don't actually really agree and you don't want to do it. Sitting for hours contemplating that thing you should be doing, or doing the things you feel you should be doing whilst remaining unsatisfied (and usually unhappy) seems like an odd way to live. Yet we all do it.

Yes, there are things that we technically "should" be doing like paying the bills, keeping our surroundings clean, gaining some sort of education or life experience to prepare us for life within our respective societies and being decent human beings, but my argument is that all these things? Wanting to do them feels so much better.

Do it because you want to do it.

Over the past year, I've been delving deeper into personal development, and one of the common consensus amongst the authors I've come across is that life is better when you are proactive. Carpe diem isn't all about living a typically adventurous life, backpacking across Europe and jumping from buildings or what have you - it's also about making a conscious decision about the little things you do throughout the day.

You wake up early because there are tasks that you want to get done during the day. You exercise regularly because you want to feel healthier from within, and you change your eating habits to help with that. You study because you want to learn more about a subject or because you want to work in a field that requires that knowledge. You pay the bills because you want to live in a house that has electricity and running water. You vote because you want a say in which politicians make seemingly terrible decisions. You are a decent human being because you want the world to be filled with decent human beings so you're going to start by being the change in the world.

And all of that feels much better because you're doing it because you want to, not because you should. Wanting to do all those things gives you control over your life, gives you power over how you experience your life. You're doing things because you want to do them, and you know why you want to do them. You're not doing them because someone or some standard somewhere has decided you should.

Should is just one massive guilt-trip. Let's stop saying it.

Should implies so many things, and none of them, to me, seem positive. Should implies that there is something out there that other people who are clearly better than you are doing but you aren't doing it. Should implies that you aren't living up to some standard. Should implies that what you do or don't want to do is not as valid as whatever what you "should" be doing. Should places the responsibility elsewhere and allows you to never stop and seriously contemplate why you do things because hey - you're doing what you should be doing so you must be doing it right...right? Should is not pro-active. Should is not the key to carpe diem-ing the crap out of your life.

I think it'd be beneficial to erase "should" from our daily vocabulary just as much as "I can't" and "I'll try". Do things because you want to do them and acknowledge when you simply don't want to do something. Interrogate yourself on the why behind your actions. Don't do things simply because you feel you "should". Do things because you want to.

What do you think of the concept of should?

Five Tips For A More Productive Revision Session

As I mentioned in this post, for me May marks the beginning of an intense revision sessions before exams roll around with the month of June, and I'm doing my my best to keep my revision at optimum levels. Some days are better than others, but what's important is to not stress and beat myself up about all the things I didn't do or could have done and didn't do, but rather stay focused and determined to get to the end of this exam period having done the best that I can. 

Today I thought I'd share with you five ways I've found to have a more productive revision session. 

I. Break your time up into chunks || I've noticed that I work much better when I break down a three hour revision session into smaller chunks of anything from 30-50mins, rather than attempting to sit down in front of my books for three hours straight. Chances are my mind is going to start wandering after an hour, and instead of taking in new information, I'll be desperately hoping for the time to be over. Keep your breaks to 5-10mins between each study chunks (but no more or you risk never coming back!), and get up to to stretch your legs, maybe dance to your favourite song to get your mood back up, or reach for a nice cup of green tea to help with an energy slump. To help set your times, I recommend using the 30/30 App, which has to be one of the best productivity apps I've used to date. 

II. Start your revision in the morning || You may not be a morning person but for the sake of your revision, you are now! When you get your revision over and done with earlier in the day, it leaves you with the late afternoon and the evening to chill out rather than having to push yourself to revise when you've more than likely already used up all your reserves of motivation. Plus chances are your exams won't be at one in the morning, so being a night owl doesn't actually do you any favours! Which brings me to my next tip:

III. Make sure you get enough sleep || This is a no-brainer, so obviously it's one of the hardest things to do. I often catch myself procrastinating on going to sleep, finding a whole host of different things I just have to do before I go to bed, only to wake up the next morning still tired, groggy and in absolutely no mood to get stuck into my textbooks. If you can't get the sleep during the night, then don't be afraid to take small naps during the day and incorporate them into your revision schedule so that you're actually alert enough to take in what you're studying. If you're sat in front of your textbook falling asleep, taking a small nap is much more productive than telling yourself you've studied just because you stared at the text for the amount of time you'd set yourself.

IV. Learn the structure of your course || I have this one lecturer who since I first had him in first year when pressed for advice on how to pass his exams, had only this to give by way of advice: "Learn the table of contents". Naturally, I thought he was a little...eccentric until recently it finally clicked in my mind as to what he meant by that. When you know the structure of your course, it allows you to place information within that structure. This makes it just that bit easier to recall the information, especially when you're in the exam, sat in front of your exam paper and your mind is going blank on you. Even if you aren't able to recall the little details, you'll at least have the general framework, and usually, the more you relax, the more information your brain will give you as it remembers the connections you made between the details and the overall structure.

V. Don't give up on your hobbies || This might sound like strange revision advice but experience has taught me that nothing causes revision burnout faster than having nothing to look forward during each day other than...more revision. If, however, you schedule a coupe of hours where you take the time to do something that you enjoy or renews you, revision will feel more like something that you just happen to have to do in preparation for your exams as opposed to something that is slowly but surely taking over your life and sucking the joy and energy out of you. Remember, revision is important, but revision isn't life, and doing your best isn't about pushing yourself until you're miserable.

What are your tips for a more productive revision session?

Thoughts on Sunday | The Difficulty of Following Your Own Advice

Thoughts on Sunday is back! It's a feature that I had when I started the blog, but eventually, perhaps because I was impatient for a response, my interest faded slightly and I convinced myself that it wasn't something that I wanted as a part of euhnella. Oh, how wrong I was. It turns out I actually really missed those weekly reflections on things in life, and every Sunday since I stopped writing the feature, I've been asking myself "Why don't I bring it back?" With no reason not to, Thoughts on Sunday is officially back. 

This week, I wanted to touch on the difficulty of following your own advice. As I was scrolling through the archives, looking at my past posts on this feature, I realised I had some good advice, or at least pieces of motivational tidbits, that if applied to my life could make it just that bit easier (and hopefully those who eventually read it). So why wasn't I following any of it? It wasn't like it was some stranger who had written a post and said, 'Hey, you - go and do this' - it was me. I had actually taken the time to ponder through all of these things and processed them enough to write them out into a coherent text.

Apparently, just because it's your own advice, it doesn't make it easier to follow. Sometimes it might even make it harder, because you know what you're doing, so you think that's enough: you don't realise that implementing your own advice, more often than not, requires a change of habit, and that usually takes about thirty odd days of consciously trying to to change that habit.

It's like this: most of us know exercise of some form is good for us. Actually doing that exercise? That's something else. Similarly, putting into practise advice or motivational ideas is another step up from just knowing it, and one that's not always easy (or we conveniently forget) to take. And just like exercise, it's not something that you can think about once and put aside. The thing with advice or motivation, if you don't regularly re-contemplate them, you eventually forget that you were following them in the first place. 

Now that I've determined that it's not just about writing out these thoughts, and leaving them to one side, but now and then reminding myself of them, what useful thoughts have I had in the past?

The problem with New Year's Resolutions.

New Year's Resolutions: we all make them at one time or another, very few of us continue them throughout the whole year to reach December 31st thinking "I'm sure glad I stuck to those resolutions!" Most of us are usually trying to figure out how the next time around we're going to make it work. Except that it's not going to work the next time around, not unless you figure out what's not working. 

The problem with New Year's Resolutions is that New Year's Resolutions are only intentions. 

When we say "I want to be healthy" or "I want to work out more" or "I want to be more productive this year" all we're actually doing is setting an intention. That's what we're hoping to gain from the year - and then what? Intentions are great as they orient you in the general direction of where you want to go, but setting this intention doesn't tell you how to get there. Saying "I want to eat less chocolate" and not saying how much less you want to eat, why and how you're going to do that is the equivalent of standing in your bedroom and saying "I want to go to Cannes." That's very nice, but how exactly do you plan on getting there? And actually, why do you want to go to Cannes?

When we make our New Year's Resolutions, we often forget to clarify why we're making the resolutions - what is your overall intention of the year? 

I've read articles that argue that resolutions don't work because we set too many - I'd argue they don't work because they're not tied together with a common purpose. For example, if your overall intention for the year is to graduate in the summer with honours and spend the rest of the year interning in preparation for landing your dream job, your resolutions will be something along the line of:

• I want to study regularly and get started on my assignments ahead of time
• I want to be healthy so that I never miss a day of classes or work when I'm interning
• I want to work out more so I look good and feel comfortable and confident on graduation day and in office clothes

Alternatively, you can set a word for the year that will shape your year. My word for the year is "persistence" so I know that I need to be persistent in everything I choose to do and see it to the end, but this is very little use to me unless I have goals I want to achieve. 

Most New Year's Resolutions also fail because they're never turned into goals. 

Once you've set your New Year's Resolutions - your specific intentions which contribute to your overall intention for the year - it's time to turn them into goals. This is where that little S.M.A.R.T. acronym comes in helpful, because once you have your resolution, which is your intention, you have to turn it into something that is Specific - Measurable - Attainable - Relevant - Time-specific. For example the intention "I want to work out more" becomes "I want to practice 20 minutes of yoga on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays until the 31 March".

Now you have a specific goal and a date in mind that you can thrive towards. I personally prefer to break down my goals into three months chunks, especially as my theme is persistence, because thinking about putting in work every day for 90 or so days feels a lot less overwhelming than thinking about the 300+ days still to go until the new year. It also gives me a date at which I can review what I've done and decide what's working, what isn't and what I can do to stay on track for the next three months. 

So if you're struggling with New Year's Resolutions, double-check that:

• you know what your overall intention for the year is;
• that your resolutions/intentions are orientated towards this overall aim;
• and that you've set S.M.A.R.T. goals towards achieving them. 

Do you set New Year's Resolutions for yourself? What is one challenge you're facing in sticking to them?

Answers To My Questions #2

Another week, another round up of this week's 'Answers To My Questions'. As you may have figured out this new feature is essentially a round up of blog articles this week that I found interesting - just a slightly different take. I'm one of those people who reads to learn something new and that doesn't change just because it's a blog post - in fact I think that gives me even more reason to read (not that I need any more reasons to spend my time perusing the blogosphere).

Answers To My Questions #1

Today I want to introduce a new feature to my blog that I'm pretty excited about. I love reading weekly round ups on other blogs, and seeing what they've been up to during week, what products they've been loving and what they've been reading around the blogosphere. I don't think that I get up to enough during the week to document (I'm such a hermit, ha), and I am dangerously behind on my Bloglovin' feed (something I need to rectify immediately) so I couldn't do a decent round up, but I do occasionally find answers to questions that I didn't know I had whilst I'm just browsing the internet, doing my thing

And so that is what this new feature is about: 'Answers To My Questions' shares bits and bobs that I discovered over the week, and presents them in question and answer form because it seemed like an interesting way to do it. Sometimes you don't realise you had a question until you see it asked, and you find the questions surprisingly illuminating. Or maybe that's just me. Without further ado, onto the answers and questions!

Q: How can I link recommended posts at the bottom of my blog?

A: LinkWithin 

I discovered this little gem in Cluttered Closet's article 'Blogging Tips They Forgot To Tell You' which contains tips that I would have liked to have had in a little handbook that they should give you when you decide to start blogging. Except that might suck the fun out of blogging, which is a large part about discovering things for yourself: blogging is a journey, not a destination, after all. 

Q: What is the best way to get cheap indoor lighting?

A: LED camping lights apparently. 

This tip came from London Beauty Queen's '5 Piece Blogging Photography Kit', in which she includes an LED light strip as a way to get better lighting when the weather just isn't cooperating with you. Also, I think it's taken for granted that we all live in houses that get great natural light. My room only has great natural light in summer. The rest of the time? Not so much. This post also contains some other great little tips (Blutack has saved me so much hassle now) so it's definitely worth a read. 

Q: Where can you get simple, pretty, affordable premade Blogger Templates?

A: BloggerTemplate Etsy Shop. 

I wasn't happy with my blog layout, and though I kept telling myself that I could DIY it and learn HTML soon enough, in the meantime I was feeling quite uninspired with my blog design. So you can imagine how ridiculously happy I was to stumble across BloggerTemplate on Etsy, where Bard Jeda makes great templates, that are instantly downloadable, come with clear step-by-step instructions and best of all, don't cost a fortune. My goal is to eventually have a Pipdig design, but in the mean time I am very happy with my BloggerTemplate. The templates are also on offer for $2.99 until the 18 January, so definitely check him out if you were hoping to give your blog a new look for the new year.

Q: Is there something that I can get to beat the winter blues?

A: Yes - Lumie Light! 

The winter season with its short, often gloomy, days plays havoc on my moods, and I've heard wonders about light therapy, but I'd also heard that the special lamps were super expensive, and so regular exercise, healthy eating and supplements was your best bet for fighting off them winter blues. So you should have seen my face when I saw the Lumie Light on ViviannaDoesMakeup's 'Evening Detox Routine'. I was like 'Yup, gotta have it'. It's a bedside lamp that you can time so that in the mornings it'll gradually grow brighter so you can wake up to light and in the evenings, you can time it to gradually get darker, so you can wind down for the night, and hopefully have a better night's sleep. Unfortunately, since they're a UK-based company, the prices go up when it's from their international stockists, so I'm putting this on my 'to buy' list for when I move back to England! 

So that's this week's Answers To My Questions. What interesting things did you come across the internet this week? 

Doubt, but keep going.

Doubt. We've all felt it. It's that little thing that makes you hesitate before a decision, and even once you've made the decision it stays around, asking you whether you're sure that you did the right thing - are you sure that there wasn't another option to pick, a better option? Doubt can come from different sources: it can be from an offhand comment from a friend that didn't mean much but sets off a series of questions in your mind, it can come from a fear of the unknown keeping you off-kilter and making you question that which you can't possibly predict, or it can be from insecurity, an inability to trust your own decisions. It's the last source of doubt that can be the most damaging. 

Doubt can be a good thing, as it can make you double-check to see if you really do have your keys, or it can make you question a person's motives when they don't seem entirely genuine and save you a whole world of hurt. However, when you doubt yourself on a regular basis, it is rarely beneficial. There is a difference between questioning yourself and doubting yourself. When you question yourself, you ask pertinent questions to make sure that you're doing the right things for you: do I really want to take this course or am I doing it to please my parents? Do I like this style of coat or do I want to buy it because everyone else has it and I think I'll feel better when I 'fit' in? Am I happy with this relationship or has it become more of a habit? 

Self-reflection is important so that you always have a sense of self: who you are at the moment, what you want, and the general direction you're heading. Questioning what you do provides you with answers to move forward. On the flip side, doubt does everything it can to keep you stuck in one place. Imagine that you have a wall which you need to climb over - you have two options. Option one, you ask yourself how you're going to climb over it, who you know that might have a solution to your current or if you could Google a way, in order to work out a strategy. Option two, you doubt whether you can even get over the wall. You question your decision to even climb the wall. Why climb the wall? What's wrong with being on this side of the wall? 

In one scenario, you're moving forward, because after all, nothing stops you from climbing back over once you know how to climb it in the first place. The other scenario stops you from doing something that you might like to do or getting the hurdle that will bring you closer to what you want. And the funny thing is, both options take about the same time, but only one of them gets you results. The time you spend questioning a decision is about the same time you could have spent executing it. 

For years I have let my dreams lie dormant because every time I made the decision to follow them I would be racked with doubt: do I have what it takes to be a writer? Would I ever even make a living writing? How could I possibly have original content when there are so many other writers out there? Hasn't it all been written before? During the time I was doubting my dream, I could have been asking more pertinent questions like: if I want to be a writer, what do I have to do? What can I do today that would take me in the right direction? Instead of doubting my dream, I could have been moving towards it.

Now that I've started blogging, I still have doubts: I doubt whether I'm taking the content in the right direction, whether there's any point of having another blog in the sea of blogs, and whether I shouldn't be working on fiction, or non-fiction, or anything else really. However, I've learnt over the past couple of months that doubt, like fear, will always be there, it's just a question of not letting it get in the way. Over time, you begin to doubt what you do with less intensity and regularity, but in the beginning - especially if you have a habit of doubting your decision - it's going to be difficult, and some days it'll feel almost impossible to look at practical ways of getting over your current obstacle rather than wondering why you should get past that hurdle in the first place.

My only advice is: doubt, and keep going. If you don't like where you end up, go back, but don't let doubt paralyse you. Doubt the doubt, but don't doubt yourself.

What to do when you're just not a Christmas person...and you want to be.

'Tis the Christmas season! It's the time of year when everything gets bedecked in sparkling lights and equally entrancing festive decorations, where Christmas songs are played on loop, and there is a rush to figure out what to get friends and loved ones, fight with the Christmas crowds to do so, and make sure that everything is sorted out on time before Christmas is upon us. Christmas is a time for many things, but mainly a time for expressing love and thanks for family and friends in various forms. The most important part of Christmas for me has always been getting together with friends and family. Our family tradition is to get together as a family on Christmas Eve and celebrate what the holiday means to us together.

Our tradition is far from the more...commercial side of Christmas. I don't say commercial in a bad way (I mainly use it for a lack of a better word), just that elements such as Christmas trees, advent calendars and exchanging gifts was never really part of our tradition, so I always felt a little odd when friends got excited about Christmas shopping and the arrival of Christmas-related goods in the shops. When I went away to university, Christmas felt like a massive cultural shock because despite having lived in the same country as my housemates, I didn't really get what you were supposed to do around this time of year.

And I don't think I'm the only one. I think there are others who just never got into the whole Christmas thing for a whole bunch of different reasons, from religion to bad childhood experiences with Christmas. I know how it can feel a little like the outside looking in and quite frankly overwhelming when it's the first Christmas that you're really trying to get into. This year is the first year I'm trying to completely immerse myself in the Christmas spirit. I have so many moments where I have no idea what I'm doing, but luckily I have friends who know what they're doing, and thanks to bloggers and vloggers, there really isn't a shortage of Christmas ideas. 

I'm by no means an expert, but sometimes it can be comforting to have a few guiding tips from someone who is just as lost as you are. So without further ado, here's a few things to do to get into the Christmas spirit when you're not a Christmas person but you want to be: 

Get an advent calendar. This is my first year getting an advent calendar, and I feel like it's really helped me get and stay in the Christmas spirit, because you have a little something to look forward every day and you're counting down the days until Christmas!

Listen to Christmas music. I challenge you to listen to Christmas songs and not get into the Christmas spirit. It might take a little searching to find what kind of Christmas songs you like but listening to playlists on Spotify or 8tracks can help you along the way. Strangely, my favourite Christmas song at the moment is Lily Allen's rendition of 'Somewhere Only We Know' because of last year's John Lewis advert, firmly knocking off The Pogues 'Fairytale of New York' from top place. That said, this ranking is most definitely subject to change before Christmas is over as I have only just Boney M Christmas song goodness and I've had 'Feliz Navidad' stuck in my head for days. 

Make hot chocolate and cosy up with a Christmas film. I've not yet to do this, but I am really looking forward to making hot chocolate (or a Christmas-spice herbal tea if I'm not in a chocolate mood) and just relaxing with a festive film. I love 'Love Actually' and it wasn't until last year that I finally watched 'Elf' after I was tired of not getting the constant references to it. Plus, Christmas films are usually light-hearted and uplifting - the perfect remedy for long dark cold winter nights.

Decorate your home. Spread Christmas cheer throughout every corner of the house. It doesn't have to be everywhere or perfect, especially if you feel a little overwhelmed. I've started in my bedroom by getting a few Christmas scented candles (nothing fancy, just something like Glade Apple Cinnamon though I would love a Yankee Candle), hanging a few Christmas decorations on my wall in place of my usual decorations and wrapping lights around my bed frame. I aim to add touches of Christmas everywhere, but just having a few touches this year has made me happy. 

Get a Christmas tree. Nothing says Christmas quite like a Christmas tree. Luckily they come in so many different sizes, and if you don't feel like you'd be able to decorate a 7ft natural tree (I really wouldn't know what to do with it), then a small synthetic desk tree is more than enough. Deck it with a few lights, a bit of tinsel, add a star on top and - voilà! Instant Christmas. 

Watch Vlogmas videos or read Christmas blog posts. 'Tis the season for daily vlogs on Youtube, and even though it's usually just Youtubers vlogging their daily activities, most of the time they'll be preparing for Christmas as well, and their general enthusiasm for the holidays can be addictive. If vlogs aren't your thing, luckily there are a plethora of Christmas-related blog posts on the Internet, ranging from gift guides if you have no idea what to get your brother to DIY ideas for things like cards, presents and decorations. Let yourself be inspired by others who've already got a decent grip on this Christmas thing. 

Send out Christmas cards. I have mixed feelings about this, even if I am excited to send out my own cards this year. Don't send out Christmas cards as an obligation because you're receiving them. It won't feel heartfelt and you won't get any enjoyment out of it. Do send out Christmas cards if you intend to add a personal touch, you know your friends and family will appreciate it (especially if you never send them!) and it's something that seems fun to you. 

Make or buy your friends and family gifts. If you come from a family that doesn't usually "do gifts" it can be really fun to break from tradition and get everyone gifts even if you know that you're probably not going to get anything in return. It doesn't have to be anything big, and it can even just be a DIY you picked up on your perusal of Youtube videos and blogs. Personally, I've discovered that there's something magical about getting into the spirit of giving. 

Go to a Christmas market or fair. This is another thing I'm really looking forward to. Christmas markets and fairs are a hub of Christmas spirit, with gift ideas on the stalls (and I'm all for supporting independent sellers) and traditional Christmas foods to be discovered. Last year was my first taste of mulled wine and I finally got what the hype was about. Since every country has its own traditions, it can be a good place to pick up the little local nuances and discover new things. 

Talk to others about Christmas. Last but not least, if you feel like you just don't know what to do or feel like this Christmas thing is a bigger hassle than it's worth getting into, call up a friend who is (comparatively) Christmas crazy and just toss ideas back and forth. You'll be sharing favourite Christmas songs and ideas before long! Also just talking to family members about decorations, maybe changing up dinner plans and so forth can also help feel like you're taking on the mammoth challenge of starting a new tradition all on your own. 

I'm sure there are loads of other ways to get into the Christmas spirit, but what's most important is doing what feels right for you. Some days Christmas songs are the most annoying things in the world, and outside of December you wouldn't catch me listening to Michael Bublé and I'm not even sure we're going to have a tree this year despite my good intentions because I keep thinking 'how will I decorate it? What if it looks rubbish? WHAT DO I DO WITH A TREE?' and you know what - that's fine. If the extent of your Christmas cheer is wearing a t-shirt that says 'Bah humbug' then that's pretty cool actually. Everyone should be able to just do whatever makes them happy, and that includes how to celebrate Christmas. And as I keep telling myself, there's always next year to step up my Christmas game if I want to. 

What about you? What do you do to get into the Christmas spirit?