Stop Doing Things Because You Should

Growing up the phrase 'I can't' got a lot of hate. I think "There is no such thing as can't" was the never-ending refrain of my primary school teachers. I'm not saying they were wrong, especially when faced with a pouty seven-year old who just doesn't want to figure out her fractions and lumps it into the category of Can't. By the time I reached the end of my secondary school education, their words had evolved to more philosophical phrases such as "Where there is a will, there's a way" or "the only obstacle to success is the one in your mind" but the gist of it was the same: stop saying you can't and just do your bloody work. 

I wish the concept of "should" would have gotten the same hate.

I've already taken issues with the concept of "try" in a previous Thoughts on Sunday where I agreed with Master Yoda (despite never having seen Star Wars): do or do not, there is no try.  Similarly, you want to or you don't - there is no should. Should is some weird in-between concept that is often ladened with guilt, loaded with expectations and doesn't actually do anyone any good. 

If you should be doing it, why aren't you doing it?

More often than not, when you start thinking that you "should" be doing something, it's because someone other than yourself thinks it's a good idea, but deep down you don't actually really agree and you don't want to do it. Sitting for hours contemplating that thing you should be doing, or doing the things you feel you should be doing whilst remaining unsatisfied (and usually unhappy) seems like an odd way to live. Yet we all do it.

Yes, there are things that we technically "should" be doing like paying the bills, keeping our surroundings clean, gaining some sort of education or life experience to prepare us for life within our respective societies and being decent human beings, but my argument is that all these things? Wanting to do them feels so much better.

Do it because you want to do it.

Over the past year, I've been delving deeper into personal development, and one of the common consensus amongst the authors I've come across is that life is better when you are proactive. Carpe diem isn't all about living a typically adventurous life, backpacking across Europe and jumping from buildings or what have you - it's also about making a conscious decision about the little things you do throughout the day.

You wake up early because there are tasks that you want to get done during the day. You exercise regularly because you want to feel healthier from within, and you change your eating habits to help with that. You study because you want to learn more about a subject or because you want to work in a field that requires that knowledge. You pay the bills because you want to live in a house that has electricity and running water. You vote because you want a say in which politicians make seemingly terrible decisions. You are a decent human being because you want the world to be filled with decent human beings so you're going to start by being the change in the world.

And all of that feels much better because you're doing it because you want to, not because you should. Wanting to do all those things gives you control over your life, gives you power over how you experience your life. You're doing things because you want to do them, and you know why you want to do them. You're not doing them because someone or some standard somewhere has decided you should.

Should is just one massive guilt-trip. Let's stop saying it.

Should implies so many things, and none of them, to me, seem positive. Should implies that there is something out there that other people who are clearly better than you are doing but you aren't doing it. Should implies that you aren't living up to some standard. Should implies that what you do or don't want to do is not as valid as whatever what you "should" be doing. Should places the responsibility elsewhere and allows you to never stop and seriously contemplate why you do things because hey - you're doing what you should be doing so you must be doing it right...right? Should is not pro-active. Should is not the key to carpe diem-ing the crap out of your life.

I think it'd be beneficial to erase "should" from our daily vocabulary just as much as "I can't" and "I'll try". Do things because you want to do them and acknowledge when you simply don't want to do something. Interrogate yourself on the why behind your actions. Don't do things simply because you feel you "should". Do things because you want to.

What do you think of the concept of should?

An Alternative To New Year's Resolutions

Happy belated 2015! I hope you have had a wonderful start to the new year, and if you've made a resolutions at the start of the year, I hope you're holding strong - we're only twelve days in! If you're finding that resolutions just aren't your thing and you can feel the same pattern beginning to emerge, then perhaps it's time to consider an alternative to making a list of intentions such as  'get healthier' 'work out more' 'eat less junk' 'be less lazy' 'do more xyz' which in themselves are great, but they tend not to last long (for a whole host of reasons that will be the subject of another post), and come November you regret the gym membership you never used, the junk food that is still a dear friend to and lament all the bad habits have yet to be broken, and the good habits that have yet to be taken up. 

I am no stranger to failed resolutions, so this year, instead of having new year's resolutions, I am going to have a word for the year.

I first got the idea from Vienna of myplanner who created a wonderful worksheet to help guide you in creating your goals that she guides you through in her video. What struck me the most was the section in which she asks you to choose a word for 2015 that describes how you plan  approach the year, and to explain why you chose that particular word.

The word I chose for 2015 is: PERSISTENCE. 

I already had this word in mind from reading Napoleon Hill's 'Think and Grow Rich' at the end of last year, where the word is a recurring theme throughout his teachings, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that there was a reason this word resonated so much with me: I am one of those people who has no problem throwing themselves into a new venture but has great difficulty seeing it through to the end, as my dozens of unfinished stories, projects and ambitions can attest to. Though I can roll my sleeves up and get through a tough time, I am more inclined to back away when things get rough and go back to find the easier route rather than continuing along the road less travelled. 

Basically, I have a problem with seeing things through to the end, and if all the goals I have for 2015 (and beyond) are to be accomplished, I need to have persistence in all my actions. 

Picking a word for the year is a great alternative to New Year's Resolutions because: 

• there is only one word that you need to remember. For whatever goal you set, whether it's big or small, your one word shapes how you're going to execute it, acting as a guideline. Though it is important to regularly review your goals to see what progress you're making, in the moment of doing something, all you really need to remember is your word. 
• it provides you with the necessary 'why' behind your actions. Motivation is hard to come by sometimes, especially when the alarm goes off, it's dark and the cold world beyond your duvet doesn't appear particularly inviting. The past couple of days when I've woken up and the last thing I want to do is roll out my yoga mat, I remember that this is the year of persistence. I set myself the goal of exercising every day this month, so that's what I'll do. I don't need any other reasons or motivators: I set myself a goal, I am going to persist to the end, and out of bed I roll.
• it can shape who you are. Usually you'll pick a word that describes a trait that you're lacking in or that you hope to improve on, so that at the end of the year, instead of having a list of things you've ticked off, you now have a character trait that you've worked on and developed throughout the year that is relevant to all your goals, to every aspect of your life, that you can carry with you into the next year as you tackle a fresh set of challenges.

If you struggle with sticking to resolutions, then this is definitely an approach worth considering. Then again, there's nothing that says that you have to do any resolution setting at all if you're perfectly happy with the way things are, or if you're not ready to change. Change in your own time, not because it's a particular date, and explore all your options to see what fits you best.

Did you set resolutions this year? What do you think of just setting one word for the year?